Top 10 Survival Tips For Sticky Situations by Tom Nicoll
Today I am pleased to welcome Tom Nicoll on to the blog with a fantastic guest post! Plus, I have a chance for you to win both books in his Boyband Apocalypse series!
Top 10 Survival Tips For Sticky Situations
Marooned on a Desert Island.
Everything you need to know about surviving on a desert island can be learned from watching the TV Series Lost.
Watching the TV Series ‘Lost’.
It’s not worth it. Get yourself marooned on a desert island instead so you definitely won’t have to watch it.
Macarooned on a Dessert Island.
While this seems like no trifling matter, relax. Chances are you’re just a bad speller and are actually marooned on a desert island. Which you know how to survive having watched the TV Series Lost… oh, right. Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Zombie outbreaks are pretty common these days, but if you still haven’t experienced one, the first thing to remember is: Don’t Panic! The second thing to remember is: Do Panic, because Zombies will eat you. Luckily, they can easily be defeated simply by walking away at a gentle pace. Also: remember to follow Zombies on twitter as they always follow back. AHAHAHAHA! Zombie joke there.
Giant Asteroid colliding with earth.
Contact NASA immediately and let them know that you work on oil rigs. Even if you don’t. Most likely they’ll send you up in a rocket with Bruce Willis to blow it up. Just try your best to ignore Ben Affleck and, if possible, leave him up there.
According to google, Alligators/Crocodiles or ‘Alli-diles’ can bite down with a force of over 5,000 pounds per square inch. I don’t even know what that means but it sounds impressive. What Alli-diles don’t want you to know though is that they have rubbish jaw opening strength and you can clamp their mouths shut with a simple rubber band. Unfortunately, getting a rubber band on one of them can be a bit of trial-and-error though, at least according to my mate One-Armed Mike.
Right. Bear with me on this one. First of all you’re going to need a time-machine…
Writing a top ten
If you’re writing a top ten but start to run out of steam towards the end, consider putting in an entry that references how difficult it is to come up with entries. Hopefully no one will notice you’ve cheated.
Halls Soothers and Lucozade should see you through.
There’s only one way to survive the Apocalypse and I’ll tell you what it is as soon as I check what that noise is coming from the next room… oh no, it’s the zombies! How did they get in here? Oh man, they’re eating my leg! This is terrible! Things can’t get any worse. Oh no, I was wrong! Now, they’re putting on season 4 of Lost! ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
About the books
Just when Sam thinks life has returned to normal he’s bundled into a black van by agents of the Apocalypse Intelligence Agency who send him off the remote jungle island of Fin del Mundo to appear on a celebrity reality TV game show. One of Sam’s rival ‘celebrity’ contestants is none other than evil music mogul Nigel Cruul, who the A.I.A. suspect is planning to bring back the Horsewomen of the Apocalypse. Luckily his best friend Milo and kick-ass sister Lexi are starring in the show too. But they’ll have to survive everything from alligator-infested swamps to public vote offs, if they’re to save the world once more.
About the Author
For your chance to win both books in this series, all you have to do is follow me on twitter (here) and RT the below tweet!
UK ENTRANTS ONLY. ENDS 16/05/2018.
Stripes Publishing is providing the prize and your address will be passed along to them if you win.