While I was trying to decide what to write about on the blog this month, all I could really think about was how I’d soon be turning another year older and how that was essentially making me feel in the long run. I do not feel ready to be another year older. I do not feel grown up enough to be turning 26. I feel like I should be more mature now. More settled. More… ready to face the world. But I’m not. Deep down inside I still feel like a scared 16 year old. I want to be able to just run home and let my mum help me. But from talking to other people, from reading books and watching TV, I realise that in a way we all feel like that. We’re all floundering in some way or another.
But we all also just get on with it. One way or another, we work out how to get past that point or crisis in our life and continue moving forward.
And it is because of this that today I wanted to look back on the last year. I want to show to you and to myself how much I have grown, how far I’ve come and how much I’ve tackled.
So first things first I obviously have to talk about this blog. This time last year I was struggling with the blog. I was struggling to read and as such struggling to find the motivation and energy to write blog posts. So it all sort of fell to the wayside. But I also wasn’t ready to let it all go so I turned it from a book blog to a lifestyle blog and while that didn’t instantaneously spark my creativity and passion, it is now starting to become a more exciting prospect to my blog. I love that I can talk about a variety of topics on this blog without worrying that you might all up and leave me! Now I’m scheduling posts left, right and centre. I’ve got my passion back. And I love it so much. I may go through a slump again but now I know I can make it through to the other side, it’s not quite so scary. Also, I’ve got something exciting planned for my fifth year anniversary in September, so keep an eye out for that!
There is absolutely no way that this time last year I could have predicted I would be where I am right now with my PR business. I have come so far. Helped so many authors and am rapidly growing my client list and just love everything single minute of it. Since last year I’ve worked as a freelancer for Scholastic, helped a non-fiction author, helped adult authors and acquired a long-term client as well. I’ve also increased my blogger list, been spotlighted on Maximum Pop, had an intern, and am currently very seriously looking into expanding my business even further. I am so proud of how far I’ve come and I am very excited for what the future holds.
I’m not going to lie, I feel overwhelmed by the amount of support and close friends I currently have at the moment. I’m not trying to sound showy or proud or anything like that but I have never felt quite so loved as I have felt recently. I have three amazing ladies that I have grown incredibly close to this year who I would do anything for, could tell anything, and know that no matter what, they’ll always be there for me. I’ve grown closer to my flatmate this past year too. We have a fair few in depth conversations and it’s been really nice getting to know her that much more. I’ve also grown closer to another London blogger friend very recently and I’m so glad I did as he’s so wonderful and supportive and I really appreciate his friendship. I feel closer to someone who moved away. I feel closer to friends that I’ve known for years and I feel more loved than ever. I suddenly feel like I understand why friends can be so important. These people in my life now are the reason I’m still here, they’re the reason I am stronger than ever and they’re the reason I am still able to smile and I just hope they all realise how special they are to me.
In Personal Growth
I am not the person I was a year ago. I have definitely become a stronger person. More confident, more experienced, more able. I have support so I know that even on my hardest day or my lowest day, I am not facing the world and my struggles alone. I feel more grounded and stable now in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. I’m happier with my life despite it not being exactly what I want it to be or that I’m not where I wanted to be, but that’s okay. I feel more open and caring. I just feel like I’m a much better person today than I was last year. Maybe that’s not true, I could, for all I know, be worse, but I feel like I’m definitely better within myself.
The Bad Side
So, all of the above has been the positive things about the past year but my life isn’t without its negatives, just as everyone has bad things going on. In the past year the most notable thing to go down hill is my health. I’m getting better at dealing with it but the truth of it stares me in the face every morning when I wake up in pain. When I feel unable to walk for too long. When my arms get tired from writing a blog post. I know that I’m not healthy but I’m also glad that I’m taking positive steps to get better. With physio and potential rheumatology referrals, I’m glad I have the strength to not just let myself live like this. Along with the health there’s the job issue. I am really struggling at work at the moment. It’s not what I want to be doing, colleagues keep dropping like flies and with one government cut after another, it’s been difficult to keep the morale and motivation for work going. So it’s been tough. And with that comes a few financial issues too. Now, I’m certainly not going to be losing my house (hah!) anytime soon or the roof over my head either, but I’ve said no to a lot of events and trips because money isn’t coming in. It’s getting better now but it’s been an interesting few months recently. Then there’s family and friends with illnesses cropping up all over the place, and wanting to just make them all better with a wave of a wand.
Yet, with all the bad stuff going on, I’ve still found reasons to smile, reasons to continue, reasons to be, and that is good enough for me.