Blog Tour; Be A Happier Parent with NLP By Judy Bartkowiak
7 July, 2015
Today is my stop on the Be A Happier Parent with NLP blog tour and I have for you a very powerful and insightful guest post from the wonderful author, Judy Bartkowiak.
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
A limiting belief is a thought or pattern of thoughts that get in the way of you doing what you want or your child doing what they want. A belief itself is something you hold to be true at that moment. They do change, you know. They aren’t set in stone. After all, your child may have believed in Father Christmas when they were younger but they don’t now. What’s changed? They have new information usually. Maybe they spotted you coming into their room Christmas Eve or maybe they recognised a gift they remembered seeing you buy, someone at school or a sibling may have told them or they worked it out for themselves. And guess what? This is how we overcome limiting beliefs as well. We get new information. We find out more about the thing we want to do or the thing we are worried about.
Limiting beliefs usually start with the words ‘I can’t’ and can be accompanied by hunched shoulders, that sorrowful downward look and we all know what happens next. Either you say briskly “of course you can, just get on with it” or you help them. Either way, you are confirming that they are right – they can’t do it or they are wrong. Instead, ask them what new information they need to be able to do it. Maybe they just need a bit of encouragement, a snack, a cuddle, or a reminder of how to do it. They will get far more self-belief when they achieve the task themselves alone. So when your child says ‘I can’t’ you have a number of options as to how to respond depending on the age and character of your child. Here are a few ideas
Ask them when they will be able to do it
Ask them what information they need to be able to do it
Remind them how pleased they will be when they’ve done it
Ask them if they’d like a piece of toast ( or similar) after they’ve done it
Ask them for a score out of 10 for how great they’ll feel when they’ve done it
You will notice that all of these options assume that a) you believe they can do it themselves and b) they will actually do it. There is no ‘if’ in the sentence. We have removed the option to ‘not do it’ by talking about ‘when they’ve done it’ and ‘after they’ve done it’.
Then when they’ve done it, remind them how great that feels to overcome a limiting belief and that next time they feel that ‘I can’t ‘ feeling they can remind themselves that if they persevere they will do it and feel great about themselves.
‘I can’t’ is what we might call a ‘stuck state’ whereas when we add ‘yet’ we can become unstuck and achieve something that makes us feel good. Then we can say that we believed we couldn’t do that thing but in fact it turned out that we could.
Beware that you don’t step in and ‘rescue’ your child from their stuck state because that way they never get the benefit of learning how to overcome their limiting beliefs without your help and whilst that might make you feel needed , in the long run, it really doesn’t help them to be dependent on you as it can take away their own feeling of self-worth.
If you’d like to learn more about how to overcome limiting beliefs please email judy@nlpkids for a free EBook ‘Positive Parenting with NLP’.
“Be A Happier Parent with NLP” gives you the skills you need to raise a confident, secure child in a confident and secure manner. The book uses the tried, trusted and proven techniques of neuro-linguistic programming to help tackle areas in which you may feel you lack confidence as a parent, while at the same time giving you the skills to help your child be happy, fulfilled and confident him- or herself. You’ll find yourself feeling less guilty, more in control, and communicating better with your child–at the same time be able to support your child in difficult situations and help him or her grow into a well-rounded adult.
Includes: Personal insights from the author’s many years of experience of working with children Practical exercises to help you engage with the book and act on what you learn One, five and ten-minute introductions to key principles to get you started Lots of instant help with common problems and quick tips for success, based on the authors’ many years of experience Tests in the book and online to keep track of your progress Quick refreshers to help you remember the key facts.
Judy Bartkowiak is the author of ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ a guide to using life coaching skills to enhance your parenting. Judy and her husband Edward have four children – Lucy, Alex, Jess and Paul and live in rural Berkshire with their dogs Roxy and Holly and nine hens. Other NLP Family (www.nlpfamily.com) titles are:
NLP for Parents
NLP for Children (5-10yrs)
NLP for Tweens (11-14yrs)
NLP for Teens (15yrs+)
NLP for Teachers
NLP for New Mums
NLP for Weight Loss
NLP for Work
NLP for Back to Work
Secrets of the NLP Masters
Judy Bartkowiak comes from a business background where she worked with Toy companies and TV production companies helping them to understand children and their relationship with brands such as LEGO, Baby Born, Bratz, Thomas the Tank Engine, Pocoyo, Fireman Sam and many other well-known names. She runs Kids Brands Europe alongside her NLP training and coaching www.kidsresearch.co.uk and has a Facebook Kids Panel for Market Research which is done online or from her home.
She has an NLP training and coaching practice NLP Kids www.nlpfamily.com, specialising in child and parenting issues and runs Kids Brands Europe (www.kidsresearch.co.uk) as well as writing for children as JudyBee.
Judy loves playing tennis and reading as well as spending time with her family.