This may well be one of the hardest posts I’ve ever had to write on this blog and I’ve had to write a lot of difficult posts. But, before you start getting yourself all worried and frantic, I’m not breaking up with you! And by that, I mean, of course, that I am not quitting blogging. Definitely not going to happen anytime soon. BUT. Things are going to be changing, quite a bit, actually. Before I explain that though, I wanted to have a small talk about WHY these changes will be happening. (NOTE: This post may be long, for which I am truly sorry and completely understand if you skip to the end of this post where I just explain what will be changing!)
Recently, or well, in the last five or six months, I have really been struggling to keep my passion for blogging alive. There are a lot of contributing factors for this. The first being how busy I’ve been. I’ve been working full time since August last year and while that shouldn’t be a problem, it meant finding the time to blog was difficult. Add to that new friends, blogging events, author events and family things, it often seems that I’m very rarely at home (which my housemate can definitely agree with!). Then, when I finally am home, the last thing I usually want to do is blog.
Because I’m tired. And that is the second factor for my lack of passion. I often come up with some amazing blog post ideas, or I read a great book and I want to review it straight away to tell everyone HOW GOOD it was, but when I finally sit in front of the computer, I don’t want to. Or worse yet, the effort of turning the laptop on seems too much. Especially when I can just turn the TV on and chill out instead…
Reason number three is TV. And, incidentally, the cinema. I went to university to study Film and Television Studies, which means I must at least enjoy it, right? Well, we’re coming up to the second year since graduating and (aside from the last few months) I had barely been to the cinema and TV just wasn’t something I did, because I was reading and blogging instead. Well… I rediscovered the cinema with my amazing cineworld card and now just want to go ALL THE TIME. I want to see ALL the films. I also discovered Netflix and the wonders of TV shows all in a row. But, of course, this takes TIME. And it has, unfortunately, gotten to the point where I would rather go see the latest film than blog. And I’ve been feeling guilty about it.
Reason number four is, you guessed it, guilt. I feel riddled with guilt about not blogging and that, in an odd twisted way, makes me feel less like blogging. It makes me feel like every post I write needs to be AMAZING because I’ve put it off for so long. So when I know or feel it won’t be, I just don’t want to sort it out. Then I see other blogs with AMAZING posts and feel even worse about it.
And thus, reason number five is because of jealousy. Not because some bloggers get more ARCs or even more invites to things but just because they seem to blog so much better than I can or ever could while holding down a full time job (and a new long commute!). But that jealousy has turned into a major lack of confidence. And this, for me, is the LARGEST reason I am struggling to blog. This is the biggest reason; the cherry on top, the jenga piece that tumbles it down, the final piece of the puzzle. I no longer feel that my words are making a difference, or an impact, or are just worth anything. And then I just sit and wonder what the point is. Why put a tonne of effort into a post if it isn’t great?
The other day on twitter I tweeted about how I felt no one would notice if I just stopped blogging, vlogging or tweeting. It wasn’t for pity. It was just how I genuinely felt, because of my confidence being shot down. I was overwhelmed by the response, and glad that I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. But it made me really realise that something needed to change. And I knew I wasn’t going to just gain confidence overnight. Thus, I did some thinking.
Finally I came to a decision.
I am no longer going to post reviews on this blog. I will still be talking about books, and the book world, and I might even still tell you my thoughts on books, but I won’t be officially reviewing books on the blog. This may change over time. But for now, this is how it will be. It also means that I’m going to re-introduce movies into the blog. As I’m firing my passion for the cinema again, why not share that with you all? Again, this probably won’t be film reviews, but it may mean film discussions and the like. But we’ll see.
But before you despair… I will still be reviewing books.
As of Tuesday 8th July 2014, I decided to help out my friend Caroline and asked to join her team at Big Book Little Book. So, from now on, all the reviews I do will be on her blog. I’ll still tweet them and will mention them in my weekly highlights, but they just won’t be here. But, I have also decided to change the format slightly, because I’m wondering if perhaps another reason is that my reviews are no longer creative enough for me.
EXTRA; I do have three more reviews coming on this blog, for my tour stop on the HARDER blog tour, a review I promised an author, and a review & giveaway post! But after that – no more!
I will also still be participating in blog tours and organising blog tours, but more on that later!
I hope you’ll stick with me but I understand if you don’t. But this is my blog and I need to do what I can to keep it active and alive, and enjoying it while I do!