Access All Awkward by Beth Garrod (An Awkward Guide to Festivals)
16 July, 2018
Access All Awkward by Beth Garrod
Today is my stop on the Access All Awkward blog tour and I’m here today with a fab guest post from Beth Garrod! So, if you haven’t already picked up this series – I definitely think you should!!
About the Book
The brand new, laugh-out-loud bestseller. Funny, sunny, feel-good fiction with a cool festival vibe!
Bella Fisher is stuck in EXAM HELL – with only the promise of a weekend at the RebelRocks festival with her mates as a reward afterwards. OK, so she can’t actually afford a ticket and will have to work as a litter picker and toilet scrubber, but it’s still going to be epic: the best bands, her best friends and best-boy-in-the-world Adam, with not a parent or teacher in sight.
But when she arrives to find annoying older sister Jo has been sent by Mum to keep an eye on her, things go from bad to worse. BFF Rachel is hanging out with some mean girls, awful ex-boyfriend Luke pitches up with his model girlfriend and her pristine Hunter wellies, and the drummer in her favourite band is exposed as a sexist pig. All the face glitter and flower crowns in the world can’t save the day… can they?
Festivals – they can be the greatest places in the world – as if the real world has ceased to exist and all that matters is dancing to your favourite bands, hanging out with your best friends, and living entirely off a diet noodles.
But festivals can also be a one-way ticket to awkward. A weekend shut away with situations that can only happen when you’re sharing a bathroom with 2000 other people, and have nothing but a thin piece of tent to stop the whole word hearing when you yell, “But I told Jake Gyllenhall I loved him more than giraffes!” in your sleep.
So, if like Bella in Access All Awkward, you’re heading to your first festival this summer, here are the some of the most awkward hazards to look out for. Good luck – and pack light.
You are effectively a snail
As in – you have to carry your entire home on your back. So pack light. Sure that extra pair of Converse might seem a good idea, but when your bag becomes so heavy you topple over, and then are pinned to the floor, your arms and legs waving in the air, as you effectively have an upturned human beetle, you will wish you said no to that third pair of jeans. So, cover off the essentials – toothbrush, socks, underwear, warm stuff that squishes into a bag for the night, Haribo – and you will be doing well.
What happens in tents…doesn’t stay in tents
Sure, the safe space of your tent might feel like the best opportunity to get your BFF to investigate that ingrown toe hair that’s been bothering you for months.. but just remember, the entire process will be heard by everyone. A tiny piece of fabric thinner than your pants, is not going to mysteriously stop soundwaves. So when you open up that tent door, and stand up with a flourish, don’t be surprised if all your tent neighbours are giving you a funny look. And asking if you need Savlon.
People on their mate’s shoulders…
Are the worst. Sure, they might be living their best life but everyone behind them, who now can’t see, is wishing a slow, and painful tumble on them. One person is probably even thinking if they can lob a bottle of wee at them. Or worse. An open pint of it. And spoiler: they probably will. So make sure you’re not in projectile range.
Top tip; if you get hit with any form of liquid while in a crowd, just tell yourself it’s beer. It’s better than way.
Everyone moans about them. But they’re not that bad. As long as you follow the golden rules.
Take in your own loo roll.
Have a friend/nice stranger on door guard
And don’t look down.
Or touch the sides.
Or spend any time wondering how that got there. Just accept that what other people do in portaloos should remain a weird, body contorting, mystery.