Behind the Blog

Behind The Blog #39; Love is in the Air


Behind the Blog is a meme to help bloggers connect their life and interests to the content showcased on their blog. The co-hosts, Faye, Kathe, and Melissa will provide a different topic, idea, or question every week that bloggers can relate to themselves and the books, films, or other media they find interesting!

So Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and so this week we would like to discuss Love. This is quite a big thing and it could be tackled from all sorts of standpoints. For this week, however, we would like to look at how falling in love has changed you or your life – or NOT falling in love, as the case may be! Are there any experiences that you’d be willing to share with us?

In relation to media, are they any books or films that you feel portray the way love can change a person specifically well? Or, what are you favourite valentine-y films?

I want to start this post by apologising for its lateness, real life just took control, unfortunately! But here it is!

This topic is actually one that’s quite hard for me to write about (and I chose it!), mostly because I’m not a very open person but also because I know that there are people I know who may stumble across this blog and read it. But, I’m going to try my best and see what I can do to write this post without mentioning names or coming out of my comfort zone with it. I apologise if it’s not as open as other posts for BTB have been.

Love, for me, is an abstract concept, one that I have never truly been able to grasp. I want to believe that I have fallen in love before, but when I think back over things now, I struggle to see that it ever happened to me, or if it did, it was never the kind of love you read or watch. I’ve never been so smitten with someone that I simply HAD to see them every day and every moment of every day or I would simply not be able to continue on with my life, I’ve had moments where I have truly enjoyed the company of another person and definitely prefer to be by their side and in their prescence than to be alone but not to the point where I would die without them by my side. That type of love, that strong desire and need is actually something that petrifies me.

I am a very independent person. It is the one characteristic that I have always loved, I don’t need anyone to do things for me, I don’t need them to be there or to help me ALL the time, and a lot of the time I would rather be on my own than with other people anyway. It sometimes gets to the point where I’m alone and want to be with people but then as soon as I am with people, I crave my own company again. So the simple idea of falling in love with someone and needing them ALL the time just… terrifies me. I cannot imagine that I could ever need someone that way, I’m not sure I could ever let myself get to that point because what happens when they walk away? Or worse yet, die? I don’t want to become dependent only to crumble at the thought of being independent again. But I also just don’t know how to be dependent, I really, really, don’t.

That is why it never would have worked between me and my ex, because he was a very dependent person, and he dependended on me to be there for him, to talk to him, to comfort him, to love him, and I tried, I really did, but in the end, it was too much for me. When you put an extremely dependent person and an extremely independent person in a relationship, you just have to understand that it will never work out the way that you wish it too. I think to a point, that I did love him, but I just never loved him as much as he loved me and that put a rather large strain on the relationship to the point that I felt suffocated and simply couldn’t deal with that overpowering feeling anymore. It was too much for me and it probably always will be.

How has this affected my life?

I am not that person who goes looking for love. I don’t go out there wanting to find someone to share my life with, but it also means that when I do have feelings for someone I rarely act on them because I fear that it will all go wrong and I’ll lose the person as a friend anyway. I’m certain that at one point in time I may find someone who, perhaps, is just as independent as me and we’ll fall in mutual like with each other and be able to spend time together simply because we’re comfortable doing so, but I hold no preconceptions on true love, my mind simply struggles to comprehend the symbolism of it all. Maybe someone will come along and change everything for me, but for now, I will continue to be my independent self, floating through life as I like without having to worry about how my actions will affect the other half in my life.

And now we all understand why I’m particular about the romance books I read, aren’t we? ;)


In relation to books, there are so many out there that have amazing romantic moments, ones that show the real way relationships work and affect their lives but here are just a few examples of recent books I have read.


Seraphina by Rachel Hartman; There is a really interesting relationship between Seraphina and Prince Lucien in this book.
Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas; Before the start of this book, in the novellas, Caelena falls in love and the loss of that love destroys her, so what happens when she starts to fall once more?
The Iron Knight by Julie Kagawa; He is the ice Prince, destined to have a cold heart and to never truly love. But then he meets Meghan.
Insurgent by Veronica Roth; Their relationship in this book goes through some trials and tribulations and shows just how complicated relationships can be.
The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen; This book shows how being with the wrong person can have such a negative effect on your life.

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  • Jen

    Man, sometimes I wish I could be as independent as you. I’m not totally dependent on others but I just enjoy doing things with other people rather than by myself.

  • Melissa's Midnight Musings

    I’m a pretty independent person too, so I definitely see where you’re coming from with this, Faye. It seems that things work out best when you can find someone who you like spending time with, who you can grow to love, but whom you can still do things without. A lot of times people become consumed in their relationships so their friends and family and their independent time fall to the wayside, and they can lose their sense of independence because of the relationship.

    So in that way I can understand your reluctance to become dependent on someone, but with as strong a person as you are, I don’t think you’d ever lose your independence! I think you’d be one of those people who (provided the person you were dating was on the same page) would have a very balanced relationship where you spent enough, but not too much time with them, and with your family and friends.

    Great post, Faye!

  • Clover

    Oh what a very personal post, Faye. Well done to you for writing that! I think relationships are just quite hard in general. Most people have their own lives and thoughts and dreams and goals and then you meet somebody and then to think of somebody else as well as yourself is a hard thing to do. I know I struggled with it for a long time after N. I’ve never been a very trusting person, so it was hard for me to let go of that and let N in to how I was thinking and feeling. We all have our struggles to get through. You sound pretty content with the ways things are in your life at the moment and I hope that continues to be the case :)

  • Alexa Y.

    What an amazing post Faye! I liked what you had to say about love. I think I’m much the same way, since I do enjoy being alone and independent. However, I’ve found that person who balances me out and allows me to do that and who I actually *want* to spend time with and be with, without fail. I’m sure, one day, you’ll find your person too!

    As for the books you included, I’ve read 4/5, which I think is awesome. I agree that they’re all interesting examples of relationships and love :)

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